A request to review this very short story, In the Springtime Everything is New All Over Again by Esmerelda Q. Jones, popped up in my inbox. Since I am presently at a writer/reader conference in UBUD, Indonesia and I am not following my schedule of posting once per day, I thought I would accept this unicorn’s request for a quick review. The writer self-identifies as a unicorn, claims peanut butter to be a favorite color and identifies an author home to be in “all the usual places.” I have a feeling that I would not ever be able to find the author since our definitions of normal are probably divergent. And peanut butter as a favorite color evokes images scatological.
This is an author in search of a definition for the main character. Esmerelda throws out possible character backgrounds for “Carl.” At the conclusion, all we know about Carl is that he (presumably) is named Carl. And he wasn’t named for anyone. Esmerelda and sibling sister just thought it was a cool name for an imaginary pedophile that they could play with when they were children. That is already creepy. Esmerelda grows up, decides to write a story about Carl, and decides Carl will not be a pedophile in the book planned for children. This shows that Esmerelda has successfully grasped the idea of maturity. “When I was a child I wrote as a child, but when I became a unicorn, I wrote as a uni….” OK, it fails a bit at this point.
Esmerelda realizes that something horrible must happen to Carl because readers have filthy minds. Esmerelda presumes to know me. But I keep reading so the unicorn’s assumption has been validated. Carl must have a job. Walmart is too high on a scale that might match Carl’s education but it could be one of his jobs (out of three). There must be a love interest and Esmerelda has chosen the name Edwina to be just right for Carl. So, then we have the stage for the author to write about sex. While there could have been a non-female sex interest, the fact that Edwina is female makes the introduction of Oscar, the lovechild of Carl and Edwina, easier. Oscar was named after Carl’s grandmother, who was a man. From this, readers might get the impression that unicorns should not be allowed to write books, novels, novellas, short stories, or flash fiction unless they could offer proof of having attended several writers’ workshops. Or at least associated NanoWrimo activities.
This is an amusing distraction which I read between conferences at the UBUD Writers/Readers Conference. I read this in the Kindle Unlimited (KU) edition. By posting this I felt better about not falling so far behind in my posting schedule. Thanks to unicorns.