Don’t Open Before, During or After Christmas

A Christmassacre Carol by Alex. S. Johnson is available as a free read from Kindle Unlimited (KU) or as a purchase for $0.99. For reasons presently unknown to me, I bought it. Thinking back, it was probably because of the weird-looking cover coupled with my fondness for horror stories. I thought I would find a few such stories in this short collection. And I did. But they are not new.

There are four short stories. Oliver Twisted should bring to mind the book you were assigned to read in junior high. The one you bought the Cliff Notes for. You didn’t want to read the type of English you knew you would find in the assigned reading. Bad news. It is the same type of English in this adaptation. But that is what makes this story entertaining. The author is some sort of wordsmith in love with language. Chameleon-like, Johnson has mimicked the voice of the original work, inserted some modern-day concerns and told the reader the story in his own way. If he had submitted this as one of his homework assignments, the teacher would be driven to the original work to figure out some of the humor. And while the teacher was occupied doing that, other students would be able to ignore the assignment. Thanks, Alex Johnson.

In The gift of the Morgue Guy we meet Abime. Every year she gets a lot of gifts. She makes sure that will happen. Shopping for the correct presents is a chore for anyone and Abime is glad it is almost over. The last present she received definitely put her a head of the game.

In the story A Christmassacre Carol we meet Urbangeezer Screwed, another character with a sound to his name that prods at our broad-based cultural knowledge nurtured by the experiences acquired during the eight years required to get a bachelor degree. Urbangeezer appreciates it that ghost Morley was a three-in-one past, present, and future ghost. Urbangeezer prized economy.

In The Santa Claus Assassinated Johnson relates the tale in modern day English to include updated slang. Post-millennials may have to look things up. After this, the reader will acquire a new respect for snowmen … or else.

If you a reader that appreciates language play, this one is fun. If you believe puns are the lowest form of humor, welcome to the gutter. If you venerate your childhood Christmas memories and don’t believe a bit of sexual innuendo has any place in sacrosanct institutions, rush past this one to the next item on your TBR list.

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