A Good Story Idea But Needs Editing


Blindsight by Nj Paige (yep, the two letter first part of the name is sometimes listed as two capitals, sometimes as noted here) is a prologue to the Maxi Brown series. The first book of the series is available as a pre-order with a delivery date of 30 Sep 2017. This prequel is available on Amazon for USD 0.99 or free through KU but I got it free through Instafreebie. Based on my read of this prequel I will not read Book One of the series. In general, I encourage the use of KU to read prequels. KU offers longer selections than Amazon free samples; I am more able to avoid accidental purchases. A download through KU is also a verified purchase which I believe supports authors.

ORGANIZATION: This prequel presents a prologue with short chapters that introduce each of the main characters; Maxi, Von, and Andrea at different points in the development of the story. The prologue takes up 50% of the prequel. This is followed by Part One, consisting of eight chapters.

SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION AND PHRASING: There were several sentences I could not parse. I could not find a clear meaning. There were other sentences that I felt were over the top attempts at reaching some sublime meaning. Still others had frequent uses of unnecessary vulgarity. This mixture of three styles grated. I was not comfortable with the flow of the story. A few examples follow, except for the unnecessary vulgarity. I felt no need to repeat something that was not needed in the first place.

“But who would have blamed her, for his tall, firm frame, dark, brown hair, feathered softly with golden highlights, not to mention his deep, brown, mysterious eyes, had encapsulated her?” (loc 96-96)

The question mark confused me.

“And in a bed of Lavender and sweet Lilly’s lay a young woman, still, in darkness, when not too far in the distance, her spirit lifted away by their sweet melody, never to see the light of another day.” (loc 121-123). Whose melody?

“The girl was only seventeen― just beginning to taste the spoils of life.” (loc 153-154) Spoils?

“He wanted to catch the bastard and shred his heart to pieces, just like he did to him when he sliced his daughter’s neck and dumped her like she had been a piece of garbage.” (309-310) I have no idea of who did what to whom. I could go back and reread things but I am too lazy.

“Maxi pretended her mother’s words did not slay her heart into pieces.” (513-514) Is this a new way of slaying?

SUMMARY: There is a good story idea here. A lot of it revolves around character Mitchell who arrives late in this novella. I would attempt to read Book One but only if I had some assurances that it went through a more rigorous editing process than this prequel. I am a lazy reader. I should not have to guess at a writer’s meaning due to confusing and incorrect sentence construction.


Author: ron877

A reader, encouraging others to expand their knowledge of English through reading along with me some books I am currently reading. I will publish some reviews of books I have found notable. Comments in agreement and disagreement are welcome. Ronald Keeler is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to https://www.amazon.com.

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